My Birth Story by Kristi Chua
I wanted to write this birth story down before it becomes a blur of nappy changes and midnight to dawn feeds. But this is more like a half story, the ending...which isn't a bad place to start really because its the point of where I am now, and so much has changed....but I've always been a girl more interested in the journey...rather then the destination, so from that perspective...a half story it is.
The story really begins with the pregnancy of Trixie's big brother, but I don't want to write that story here yet. Maybe in some time, but for now, I'd rather drink in all the positive things that this journey has brought us.
Trixie was my 9th pregnancy, recorded on many medical documents were all the "failures" I'd had, that little factoid being one of them. I had my moments in the pregnancy where I felt the odds were stacked against my desire for a positive birthing experience, and being constantly reminded of my miscarriages put into my mind a voice of doubt, so much so that I was almost 7 months pregnant before I realised I had not bought a single baby item "just in case I didn't carry to term". It wasn't until women folk stepped in and handed me things, which I put into the baby cupboard that it dawned on me, I might actually birth this baby and have a healthy and happy birthing experience. Negative yucky things that came up included a recorded failure to progress (failure to wait), Cephalo-pelvic disproportion (CPD) and the possibility my baby "might get stuck". Also arguments about gestational diabetes tests, being told I was "silly" not to have it done by one doctor. And learning to be calm but firm when negotiating with doctors/medical staff who are used to having authority over other peoples bodies was definitely a steep and at times deep learning curve! This is where my wonderful and amazing doula Melissa Prince stepped up. Her confidence in myself and my hubby was all that we needed...we just needed someone to believe...and it became easier for us to believe.
Learning to trust my instincts when it came to pregnancy was one thing, exercising that trust when dealing with medical staff was an ongoing challenge.
I countered these challenges by doing things to fill my cup. I joined regularly in a woman’s circle, I used my art journals and regularly mediated at my alter at home...it was truly a beautiful and empowering time.
I exercised through my pregnancy until the final 5 weeks before her birth, from jogging early on (modified burpies etc) to finally just walking around a couple of blocks every two days and staying active in the garden and around home.
I took time out to do things that I felt fostered a positive outlook and confidence in my abilities, in this the Art of Feminine Practice as a weekly class made my pregnancy an empowering and deepening time. Also letting go of negative comments, stories and sometimes people.
We took HypnoBirthing classes which helped solidify in my mind that I had the ability to go deep within and block out when necessary unhelpful advice. Combined with weekly visits to "connect" with what for me is a place of power (local area), I felt that I had a level of confidence in my body and mind that I hadn't felt before. There are three major things that I felt helped us get to this point.
A supportive birthing partner, my dear hubby, who would hold me at my weakest points, tell me how wonderful I was doing, and who would use what we had learned together in HypnoBirthing to provide vital prompts as I went deeper into my birthing space.
A doula with whom I felt I could trust to be at my most vulnerable, and who in turn would lift me with words/deeds when I needed it most.
An inner confidence that my body and my mind were strong and capable. To be able to access that inner wild woman who is both present in the moment when needed, and able to sink deeper and give in to the primal self. So...here is how Trixie’s birth went :)
The day before I birthed Trixie, I noticed that I was getting "Braxton hicks" that were starting to feel a little like my monthly bleed. It wasn't "painful" really, more like an ache in my hips and I noticed it while having the baby car seat fitted. They were irregular and would come and go...so I didn't pay too much attention, while having warm showers or baths I would listen to my HypnoBirthing playlist (a combination of HypnoBirthing scripts and some beautiful music that I loved).
During that time I would visualise birthing my baby, and also imagine myself opening up with a flower visual. Early the next morning 30th July, I think it was about 4:30ish, I got up to have a shower as the "Braxton hicks" seemed to be making me uncomfortable in bed and I couldn't sleep, the plan was to have a warm shower, get comfortable then go back to bed for some more sleep.
There was a gush however, and I realised I had lost my waters...I called out gently to my hubby and told him then jumped in the shower. After a while I decided to get into the bath, I had a candle burning, my little statue as a visual cue to relax, and my music and HypnoBirthing scripts running. I’m not sure how long I was in there for but I was comfortable, each surge I met with visualisations of opening up and between surges I would take myself to "power place", feeling calm and recalling all that I had seen on my last visit there. This visual I would use between surges right up to the birthing of Trixie. I felt very connected to country at that time.
I was soon aware of my mum arriving to take my son and my doula arriving and having a gentle conversation with each as I rested in the bath. Breathing through each surge and knowing that with each breathe I came closer to birthing. I wasn't in pain, but I refused to talk to people during a surge. I soon decided to get out of the bath and I rested in the lounge room with my headphones in, listening to my music, going deeper and using my visualisation to remain calm and open to where my body was taking me. I was able to have a conversation with the midwife on the phone at one point and let her know I was coming into the hospital soon as my "contractions were close together". I decided at that point to trust my hubby and doula to know when we should get moving. I felt super relaxed...aware that I was making some noise while breathing through surges but it was reassuring...if I could hear myself...I knew I was focused.
The car ride to the hospital I was calm and able to take it all in, the surges were getting stronger and I was not so comfortable walking during them, but I was able to stay aware of my surroundings and have conversations. I decided I didn't like speed bumps. I was put into an "assessment room" they wanted to check to see how far along I was before they would let me into the birthing suite. I think maybe I hadn't been noisy enough at that point as it was explained that if I wasn't more then 3cm I wouldn't go through. It turned out I was a "stretchy" 5 cm and I was allowed out of the assessment room.
I don't quite remember what happened at that point as I was having strong surges and I had felt a change, where once before the surges had started at my hips and travelled upwards, I know felt that they were beginning to turn at the top and push downwards. I was a bit worried at this point that my cervix had not opened up enough to feel so "pushy" I put it aside and focused on what I wanted...water. Whenever I heard someone talk to me I would just say "I just want the bath, when can I get in a bath?" I don't know how many times I repeated this but I was happy when I heard the midwife Beth say to me " Kristi I have the bath running for you".........inside a part of me lifted....I knew that I was going to do well in the bath....water is where I had done all my "practice".
By the time I got in to bath my instincts were telling me to kneel, so I spent most of my time in the bath with my knees apart and learning forwards...in hindsight this was probably the best position to get Trixie in as she had been ROA (on the right) and I didn't want her flipping posterior. At the time though, I wasn't thinking this, I was just following my instincts.
I remember my lovely doula Melissa applying counter pressure during some of my contractions which felt wonderful, and I was offered lots to drink (even though my body was begin to purge itself of everything). This didn't bother me though, I noted that it happened after each intense surge...and they had changed once more....I knew my baby had moved down, and now my surges began at the top of my torso and flowed down......like a huge wave the pushing began in my lower ribs (yes ribs) through my torso and right down my thighs. I don't recall much pain, just very strong pushing.
My body was in control and I felt my baby kicking her way down, I felt as though she was head-butting her way out. I worried again at one point about pushing telling whoever was close to my head, “I can't stop the pushing feeling"...my breathing had become loud.....this served two things:
a) I could hear myself breathing and knew when I was holding my breathe....which I didn't want to do...so my breathing became an "oooooooooooo" sound.
b) When I was doing the ooo sound my mouth was open and soft, not clenched...I knew this to be a good thing. So I kept doing it.
c) I tried to be mindful of opening my hands, palm up in acceptance to what was happening. I felt on occasions my doula open my hands for me, and also at other times my hands were filled with the loving hands of my hubby or doula. The midwife was checking with a Doppler, something I had negotiated with the doctor instead of wearing a belt. I felt comforted hearing the baby's steady heartbeat.
On a couple of occasions I found it hard to breathe through the surges, they were so powerful that I couldn't get a breathe in and felt it catch in my chest...I looked to my hubby and called him by name, I could see he was there and so I thought I have to do this...keep trying to breathe.
Breathing was most difficult when I felt the push start from my ribs...its hard to breathe in when all your power is directed downwards! This was the one and only time I felt a twinge of doubt...it didn't last long.
After that moment of worry had passed I decided to feel for myself how far I was, I was overjoyed when I felt her head inside but about to crown, I knew at that point that it was ok, she was past my cervix. With each surge she would be nudged down while I breathed, and then retract a little.
The last two surges were very powerful.... I felt when her head had emerged...I wanted to tell my doula because I was aware that they didn't know how far along I was...the water was murky and I'd stayed quiet as I had heard my midwife say it was nearly time to get me out of the bath....they didn’t want me birthing there. So I kept this knowledge to myself.
I really wanted to tell my doula that her head was out already but there was not room for talking, the next surge had followed quickly....and then she slipped out and into the water....I didn't even wait to catch my breathe ... "my baby's in the water" I breathed. I saw my hubby rush behind me and Melissa guided me back into the bath. My hubby pulled Trixie from the water who started crying straight away and they were both trying to untangle her and get her to my chest while the midwife stood in the doorway looking panicked " oh my god!" was all I could hear her say.
I wondered why she was so panicked, I mean she's a midwife she must see babies born all the time. Then I remembered I was a C-section girl, I wasn't supposed to birth in the bath. I gazed down at my baby and apologized for not catching her (I had tried but she literally shot out too fast)....she was perfect...and no matter what comes after this I thought, I knew we would always be ok. Trixie is now a beautiful healthy strong girl...a joy to her proud brother and a wonder to her parents.
We are so grateful for the positive affirming support from family and friends. This was what birth should be like. My wish would be for all women to experience a pain free, empowered birthing experience...no matter where or how...women deserve respect when giving birth.
Kristi & Jonathan Chua - Attended HypnoBirthing class facilitated by Lisa Brandis HypnoBirthing WA
